Har-Har Mahadev! Dear readers,

May you all receive the blessings of Bholenath.

Parents are not always right, friends in this post we will know where and where parents make mistakes, that is why children do not listen to them and take the wrong path. 

Parents are not always right

The first mistake of parents is to compare. Yes - parents compare a lot, so all parents should never compare their children with other children. 

Like his child came first in the class, that his child became an I.A.S, that look his child became a doctor etc. These things should never be said and this should be for the whole life, not only during childhood. 

The child to whom you are telling is a person, that is, he is a soul. A soul which has brought with it karma, sanskar and fate. Therefore, its upbringing needs to be done individually.

Whatever karma, sanskar, ability, skill and talent, characteristics he has brought with him, all these need to be nurtured. His ability needs to be enhanced.

Read more- Taming Anger: Finding Inner Peace

His sanskars need to be improved further. But only in the context of your child. This means he needs to improve in his own context. Not in the context of other children. So parents should not make any kind of comparison throughout his life. 

The second mistake of parents is to criticize.

Criticism should be avoided not only in words but also in thoughts. Why is he like this… Why doesn’t he do this… I wish he was like this… He is very slow… He is not neat and clean… He doesn’t study well… He doesn’t eat well… Meaning negative statements all the time, constant interruption, constant scolding. This is wrong.

Friends! Our thoughts become our reality. The thoughts that we repeatedly create, become our reality. What I mean to say is that - the thoughts that parents create, they create for the children, that child imbibes all those thoughts i.e. adopts them in his life. 

Such thoughts have a great impact on children. The child himself also starts creating such thoughts. Parents often create such thoughts when the child is small, they say or think that -

He is very slow, means he works very slowly, he cannot do any work properly, he drops everything, creates havoc, breaks everything, sits to study and gets up in a short while, he does not concentrate.

Do you know - all these repeated lines become a label for that child. Most of the labels (of maturity) that are put on us are put on us in our childhood.  And most of them are put on us by our parents. And we make those labels our identity.

Today we may be 30, 40 or 50 years old. But most of us do not change those labels at all. Because we continue to believe that this is how we are. Who told us that we are like this?

Our parents said it and parents are always right, they are right. Since my parents told me I am like this, I am like this. So this becomes the personality of your child. So it is a big responsibility of the parents to always use positive labels on their children.

Put positive labels on what you want them to become. Suppose, for example if your child is a little slow, and he is slow in context of what? Obviously you are seeing him in context of someone else. But still if we assume that he is a little slow.

It takes him longer to do everything. He may take a break in between. He stops and sits down to move something around. Yes, he is a little slow. It is a fact. It is a reality. But determination leads to success. Our thoughts create our reality.

Which means if we repeatedly think, speak, scold him or complain about him to others, say bad things about him. Which means if family members discuss among themselves that he is very slow.

What will he do in future? How will he study? Just think how can we compete with anyone? If we repeatedly think, speak and discuss negatively with others then it becomes a label for that child.

That child will develop this thought for whole life – I can't do anything quickly. I am slow. I can never do anything. That child accepted that label. He took those negative thoughts in his mind.

With such thoughts, a child is never able to succeed in life. Hesitating to talk to others, staying away from parents, not feeling like staying at home etc. 

are many such things which keep on going on in their mind all the time and they don't tell anybody because they know that if they say something then their parents will say something again.

Think about it, what other label can we put on that child? Yes! We can give him/her positive labels like son or daughter you are perfect. 

You do everything perfectly. Your every action is precise. See how quickly you have completed it. Even if he/she has done it very slowly.

His/her karma is slow. But we don’t give him/her the vibration (bhaav) of his/her karma being slow. Because if the feeling contains the word ‘slow’ then he/she will absorb that feeling. 

That word will dominate his/her mind so much that his/her every action will always remain slow or it will become even slower than before. Because our thoughts manifest into our reality.

Don't think or speak about the reality you see at present. Rather think and speak about the reality you want to see. 

This is what spirituality and meditation teaches us. How does God nurture us? We should also nurture our children in the same way.

Well do you know what God tells us? He says - You are a peaceful soul. You are a loving soul. You are a pure soul. Are we any of these?

No, but God keeps on telling us this again and again. Some in the form of books some in the form of bhajans, some in the form of stories, some in the form of great men etc.

We keep on listening and reading God's words. It is written in them that I am peaceful. I am pure. I am powerful. And slowly we start becoming like that. So just like God nurtures us, we should nurture our children in the same way. 

Tell them you are a powerful soul. You are a good soul. You are clean, you are honest, you are punctual. Never say - you always come late. You are never ready on time. Because our thoughts create our reality.

Words and thoughts of parents have a deep impact on the sanskaras of the child. And the destiny of the child is created. So the upbringing of the child starts with the upbringing of the soul. 

Read more- Do children have to suffer the consequences of their parents' actions?

If a parent nurtures their own sanskaras then the child will automatically be nurtured by those vibrations. So no criticism and no comparison. 

The labels we put on children should be of the highest vibrational frequency. They should always be labeled pure, powerful and positive. Don't apply the label of the negative reality that you are seeing right now.

Rather apply the label of the reality you want to see. Never inculcate the culture of competition in children. This may seem a little difficult right now when you read this. Because right from childhood we were taught that life is a competition. 

But the culture of competition does not allow the child's potential to blossom to its full potential. Because that child always sees himself in the context of other children. 

Life is not a competition. That child has come to your house with his karma, sanskar and destiny. He does not need to go ahead of others. 

Whether you are talking about kindergarten class, whether you are talking about 10th or 12th board exams or whether you are talking about their career.

There can never be competition between two children or two people in general. It is just not possible. Because they have brought with them their own potential, sanskar, luck and specialty. 

They can move ahead in their own context alone. But if we make them compete with somebody else or if we teach them competition then we are inculcating in them the sanskar of ego, jealousy, feeling of inferiority, of being better than others. 

These are the sanskars we teach them because we tell them that you need to be ahead of somebody else. We inculcate in them that if you achieve less than somebody else then you cannot be happy because you have achieved less than them. 

So we teach them sanskar based on performance that you are good only when you achieve this or when you achieve more than somebody else.

This is not parenting. Parenting means, reminding them - you are very pure and very powerful and now you need to further increase your purity, power and characteristics. 

The more we make the soul stronger, their potential will increase. But the more they compare and compete with others, maybe they surpass many people, but that happiness, contentment and emotional strength which should be present in the soul will not be present. 

Because we are always busy competing with others. Criticism, Comparison, Competition, Control Every parent needs to be extremely careful to avoid these 4 sanskars, we need to discipline children but should not use anger.

Balance love and law. Discipline them with love. Tell them about the benefits of this and then discipline them. So discipline with love and never raise your hand on children. Never.

Even if they are wrong, there is a way to discipline them. Not by raising your hand on them. We should not let their self-esteem get affected. 

And then when children reach an age where they start making their own choices where they start deciding for themselves about rights and wrongs.

Especially teenagers (13 to 19 years old children) we need to be very careful and in the current situation we need to be even more careful. To ensure that the child informs the parents about everything that is happening in his life.

There should be a lot of honesty and transparency in this relationship. Only then can you continue to nurture your child. When your child is young, he comes and tells you everything that happened. Because you accept him at that age.  A child needs acceptance. Not criticism or comparison.

Actually every soul needs acceptance. No matter how old the body is we as souls always need acceptance. 

Similarly a child needs acceptance. When the child is small and goes to school he comes back home and shares everything with the parents, tells everything.

Read more- What is a father's love 

We accept the child at that time. But when the child grows up a little, sometimes he does some things which we don’t like. 

Suppose, for example he bunked the class and went for a picnic, he bunked school and went to watch a movie with his friends. Because all his friends had gone there. That day also he came and shared everything with you. He would have revealed everything. 

At that time he did it because he had the sanskaar of telling everything to his parents. But what he did that day was not matching with your upbringing.  And that day, for the first time, you rejected your child.

You said - you are wrong. How can you do this? Do we send you to school for this? Is this what we have taught you? There are many such things we have said for the first time. The child did not know that he could have avoided telling you this.

He would not have told you if he wanted to but as he used to do every day, he told you whatever happened that day too. But that day he got rejection from you.

The day the child gets rejection from parents, the same day he gets acceptance from friends. This is very risky. We sometimes wonder why our children experience peer pressure.

Why do they listen to friends more than parents? Because every child wants acceptance. If every child gets acceptance from parents then they will not need acceptance from friends.

So parental acceptance makes children so strong that the child will always stand for the right. Even if he has to stand alone. So when the child did something for the first time which was not right for him.

Maybe it was the first time he bunked school or the first time he missed an exam. Or it was the first time he ate something unhealthy or the first time he consumed a drug.

When all this happened for the first time, how to nurture them for the first time? How to nurture them? What he did was not right for him. But he himself is not wrong. What he did was wrong. But we got angry and told him that he is wrong. 

You are wrong. You are bad. How can you do this? Bad boy-bad girl, good boys and good girls do not do this. This is how we teach children. That child gets rejection from the parents for the first time that day. 

The second time he gets rejection for some other incident. And then the third time the child stops telling the parents. We think the child has stopped doing wrong things. He has not stopped doing wrong things. He has only stopped telling his parents. 

And this is where the generation gap starts. A gap is created where we say we cannot understand you. The child says I also cannot understand you. That is why it is called generation gap.  What does it mean to understand people? 

Understanding simply means knowing that they are one soul. We think he is my child so whatever I say to him is right for him. Whatever decision I take is right for him.

That age is over. They are souls who are driven by their own thoughts, decisions and values. And they have chosen their own destiny. We can always give them the right advice. But never call them wrong or bad. 

What they did is wrong but still you can say to them – you are very good. I accept you the way you are. But what you have done is not right. 

By doing this you will always keep your communication channel open i.e. the conversation between you and your child will continue. One day honesty will win and most importantly you will accept your child. 

At that time your child will not be dependent on acceptance based on peer pressure. In this journey of life it is not necessary that your child always listens to you. Today he may be 15 years old. Soon he will be 20 or 30 years old. He will have to take many decisions in his life.

It is not necessary that he always listens to you. His own karmas and sanskars are activated now. Often you can see that what he is doing is not right. But that soul will not listen to your advice often. Because he is a slave of his karmas, sanskars and destiny.

Sometimes when children do not listen to us verbally i.e. by our speaking then send them vibrations (send messages) from your mind. Everything cannot be done verbally. So if parents engage in spiritual studies and meditation daily.

They will learn the method in which you can sit in silence during morning meditation and send all your messages through vibrations to your children and send them the power to do right karma. Everything cannot be done by speaking verbally. So we cannot control the destiny of our child.

Even after your constant explaining if your child takes a decision which you feel is not right for him but once he has taken the decision and it has come into action then you will need to change your mindset. 

Now you cannot think that I know he has taken the decision. I know he will regret it. I know this decision will harm him. I know this relationship is not right for him. These are very, very strong statements. 

These words, thoughts of yours are reaching your child. Your child is absorbing this thought. What to do in a situation where he has already taken the decision. 

If you want to tell him that this decision is not right for you then you could have told him everything before he took the decision.

But once your child has already made a decision then you need to change your thoughts in a moment. And now you need to change your thoughts from fear and worry and change your thought as a blessing for your child. 

Such a blessing - that you can tell them that - son you have already made this decision. No problem, the powers of God are with you. All our blessings are with you. You will definitely succeed. Bless your child in this way. Bless your child not only with words but also with your thoughts. 

Even if you are facing a difficult karmic account, it is difficult for you to do so, still bless him with your mind. If he has chosen a relationship which is difficult for him, 

if he has chosen a career which is difficult for him then he had taken it in his destiny. But this is the result of the past which he has brought with him.

But if now you bless him in the present it means if your every thought is pure and powerful for him, if you make his sanskars strong then in the present he will cross that karmic account beautifully, respectfully and dignifiedly.

Parents should always remember you cannot make your child's life perfect. This is his destiny which he has already taken with him. He had taken it with him even before he entered your womb. Based on his past karmas.

Now you cannot make his life perfect. But you can teach him how to walk perfectly in the journey of life. You can teach him to respond perfectly to every scene of life.

You can teach him to do perfect karma in every situation. It is like, suppose you are physically taking your child somewhere. You cannot make that path perfect. The road is as it is. 

We cannot change that path.  But your child should know how to walk on the road, how to go around rocks or turns, where to bend, where to get up, and where to jump.

You can teach him how to walk on that path, you can do it through your thoughts, your blessings, your advice and most importantly through the power of your sanskar (values), you can teach your child how to walk on his journey of life.

And give him the power to walk on the right path - so the most important aspect of parenting is your sanskar. So the sanskar that you want to see in your children, the power of sanskar that you want to give them, the easiest way is to imbibe that sanskar in yourself.

Parents should start meditating, start studying spirituality everyday. When they fill themselves with the knowledge of God, when they change themselves, when parents change themselves - the change will come in the child automatically.

It is the experience of every parent that when we brought a change in ourselves then a change came in our children automatically. No matter what the age of the child is. 

The change in the parents brings change in the child. So it is a big responsibility of the parents that their change should always be in the right direction.

So if parents meditate at home daily, if they prepare satvik food, then there will definitely be a change in the child. You need to give your child a healthy diet. Which healthy diet? 

Diet of spirituality, this diet which does not include only protein but also includes vibrations in the diet. You tell me - is the diet with vibrations of cruelty good for your child? Where there was pain, violence, fear, suffering. 

Is that food of cruelty and death right for your child? Give your children such food which has vibrations of love, blessings, peace and power. When parents adopt a spiritual lifestyle then it has a direct impact on the child. And the child's sanskars start changing.

It is not necessary that the child takes to spirituality or meditation immediately. When parents meditate daily at home, the vibrations of meditation empower their children. If your children are studying, then vibrations of power are needed in the home. 

If parents meditate regularly, the performance of children improves a lot because the inner strength of children increases. Earlier parents used to worry that this would affect the performance of the child. Now parents remain internally powerful.

The performance of children is affected positively so every parent needs to make spiritual study and meditation a part of their lifestyle, for themselves and for their children. 

It is a part of your parenting. Don’t say – I don’t have time for meditation because I need to take care of the children. 

You just need to meditate to nurture your children well. Because it is not only about nurturing the body of your child. But first the soul needs to be nurtured. 

The sanskars need to be nurtured first. So first to nurture the soul and then to take care of the body of your child. Every parent should spend at least one hour daily in spiritual study and meditation. 

The atmosphere of the house becomes very pure and divine. And whatever everybody hears, reads, watches, eats and drinks in the house if it is all pure then that house becomes heaven.

And when our home becomes heaven, the children who grow up in that home become the angels of this world. Your responsibility is not just to raise your child. You need to prepare angels or Satyug, divine souls for this world. 

So be nourished by God and first make your state of mind Satyug or divine. And make your children angels and Satyug, divine souls by using your state of mind and sanskars. 

Hope you liked this post. If any question arises in your mind after reading this post, then you can ask it in the comment box. 

With this, we take leave from you and pray to Bholenath for the well-being of your life that he always keeps you happy. 

Thank you